Poor Taste in Publicity

Food manufacturers will do almost anything to attract attention. They'll even serve up bizarre food concoctions aimed at leaving a nasty taste in their consumers' mouths. Foods mixing sweet, savoury, and/or sour ingredients are being embraced for their curiosity and free media headlines, not because they are pleasant to eat. In fact the manufacturers barely expect them to sell.

Burger King recently launched a limited edition bacon sundae (below), with vanilla soft serve with fudge, caramel, bacon crumbles and a piece of bacon. Yes, that's right, vanilla ice cream and bacon! There are few doubts the product is only being consumed by the most adventurous fast food junkies, but that doesn't matter, because its launch made news around the world.

Last week a trendy South Yarra bakery in Melbourne employed the same tactic, launching bacon-infused doughnuts (below).

One of Australia's most popular foods, Vegemite, has also featured in some absurd creations. Most disgustingly, the American frozen yogurt chain Tasti D-Lite featured Vegemite flavored ice-cream. And last year Smith's Potato Chips tested our taste buds with Vegemite flavored chips. Not surprisingly they were only available for 12 weeks.

Finally, the not-so-humble hamburger has been massacred by just about every country on Earth. There are endless opportunities for alterations to ingredients, appearance and composition. KFC's 'Cheese-top Burger' (below) was dubbed the 'World's Dumbest Burger' after it was released in The Philippines.

Also the 'Darth Vader Burger' featuring a black bun (below) is the work of European fast-food chain 'Quick'.

Modern consumers are known to be drawn to the unknown, the unheard of and the gross. Even if they don't try it or buy it, the social buzz surrounding weird creations is giving food marketers a lingering taste for success.

What Makes People Stick

It takes a special kind of person to decorate their car's back window or bumper with a sticker. Yes, it's often older cars that get plastered with paraphernalia, but not always. If you're prepared to risk damaging the duco on your car, you must be very committed to the sticker's cause.


Cult Status or Inspirational Messages
There's an underlying cult status attached to the widely shown purple 'Magic Happens' stickers. But it's hard to know what they actually represent. Spirituality? Science fiction? Fantasy? Witchcraft? I doubt even those displaying the stickers know. But that doesn't stop them jumping on the Magic Happens bandwagon, in the hope that some kind of magic will happen to them.

Sporting Club, School or Special Interest Groups

AFL, NRL, and other sporting club stickers are widely prevalent, particularly on utes and tradie vans. Successful teams get a good representation, and funnily enough drivers displaying the St Kilda AFL sticker often look miserable at the wheel. Parents of school kids proudly display their school logos, particularly if they are expensive private schools. Environmental groups also love their car stickers (How often do you see the green Greenpeace ones?!)

The Aggressive, Intimidating and Offensive Take
Seeing a 'Back Off' sticker actually makes you want to tail-gate the offending car. Until of course you realise they are a bearded, possibly toothless, singlet-wearing, tatted-up guy. Similarly, 'If you can read this you're too close' and 'If you can't see my mirror I can't see you' messages are often embraced by aggressive and intimidating truck or van drivers with a chip on their shoulder.

Family Oriented Statements

Like the 'Magic Happens' stickers, the 'My Family' stick figures are well-known and widely hated. Several articles and blogs I've seen have said in response 'I don't give a #$%^ what your family is.' 'Mum's Taxi', 'Baby on Board' are also a hit, primarily with bad, dangerous and selfish drivers who drive as if family values are the least thing on their mind.

If you think you've seen every possible car decoration creation, driving in bumper-to-bumper traffic can surprise you. Fluffy toys dangling from the rear-view mirror; Hello Kitty collections at the back window; and recently spotted, licence plates customised for each star-sign. At least it makes the drive home entertaining.

Keep Calm and Avoid the Hysteria

Exactly what is the origin of the ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ motto adorning posters and merchandise worldwide? If you haven't seen it, you don't get out enough.

The motto actually dates back to the Second World War when King George VI was in power. The Ministry of Information (MOI) was formed by the British Government and responsible for publicity and propaganda. A number of posters with morale-boosting slogans were created and displayed across Britain, but the popular ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ slogan was never officially seen by the public. It was only to be released upon Germany’s invasion of Britain, which didn’t happen. It was eventually discovered and reproduced by historians. And, thanks to modern marketing, this slogan has now become a British icon.

This is nice, because in a subtle way it recognises an appreciation for British troops. But it's also nice for all the companies jumping on the bandwagon using it in their slogans. The words on the original propaganda poster have been trivialised by their use on everything from t-shirts to lame office coffee mugs and even iphone covers.

As an Australian consumer I only became aware of these products last year, and I was immediately curious about their success. The original slogan has evolved to reflect more peaceful times. Latest additions include: Keep Calm and Eat Cupcakes, Keep Calm and Drink Up, Keep Calm and Cuddle Up. Some of these products have cheekily replaced the iconic crown figure on the authentic 'Keep Calm and Carry On' branding, with a logo of their own. And there's been a whole range of copy cat designs appearing worldwide, desperately trying to stand out from the crowd.

It'd be safe to say that most consumers familiar with all, or any, of these products don't even know the slogan's original identity. Which is a shame.

I'm not looking for new friends...just decent service!

"This is so pretty... is it for a special occasion? Big plans tonight?"

“How’s it going in there, are you right for sizes?” The sales assistant, who just showed me to the fitting room ten seconds ago, is yelling enthusiastically at me while tapping her hand on the cubicle door. Only a superhero could have undressed and tried something on in this time interval. And, if I venture out of the cubicle, her response would be something equally enthusiastic and possibly untrue, like “That’s really cute, it would look so good paired with this top, hang on while I go and get it!!” And, ironically this is one of those stores where there are no mirrors in the cubicles so you must make the grand entrance so the whole shop can see. Quite possibly this scenario would also include being greeted by all three sales assistants within a minute of entering the store. Sometimes it’s all just a little too overwhelming.

In these tough economic times, retailers are doing everything they can to make sales. But many don't realise that their overzealous sales tactics are driving quite a few of us away. A simple smile is enough. But how often do you get asked “What are you up to today?” (when clearly you’re out shopping), or something completely random like “Your nail polish is awesome! Where’s it from?” Is this a tactic to make you buy? Shopping shouldn’t have to be a forced social situation. Most days you want to remain completely anonymous.


But on the other end of the scale, when you desperately need help, there’s often nobody to be found. Or you have to consider interrupting two sales people discussing their weekend. That's when we admit defeat and flee, without anyone even noticing we’ve left.

If sales staff, and the bosses who train them, could understand the balance between being attentive and annoying, then maybe the threat from online sales wouldn’t be so great.

The Great T-shirt Travesty

Believe it or not, but there are some people who love wearing t-shirts with huge brands emblazoned on them. Although they maybe on the decline, because big sportswear and fashion labels seem to be toning down their overt street-wear branding, as more consumers refuse to be lured into the trap of appearing like a walking billboard. Interestingly though, some well-known Australian discount retailers are ignoring this trend.

They are embracing the pseudo-authentic sport team creation:

What does the 82 mean exactly?

There is something a little offensive and disturbing about a t-shirt plastered with a random American sporting club’s name and history. Research tells me that this is actually a baseball team. I’m not sure about the 82 number though. Is that supposed to be when they were established? It doesn’t matter, because it’s clearly a cheap imitation (i.e. the strategically placed ‘Athletic Industries Inc’ at the bottom). Is this supposed to be appealing because it has an American town, a sport, and some letters and numbers thrown in?

 

'Official Champions'..how cool.

This one is a little different. It's so generic that it doesn't even mention a sport. Instead we have a fictional city, presumably also American. 'Champions' sounds pretty cool, so maybe there is a sport reference attached. And what's with the letter and number sequence thrown in. What does it mean? Are there people who really believe it may actually mean something, and why would anyone seriously want to wear these mundane creations?

There's also the pseudo-authentic denim/streetwear brand creation:

'Indian Chief', 'Indigo Denim'..enough!

These cheaply made t-shirts (also available in jacket form, as above) are often riddled with phrases like ‘Authentic’ or ‘Established in 1945.’ They are not real brands, yet the shirt's manufacturers, and the discount retailers which stock them, try so hard to make the consumer think they are. Give up I say. Give me a plain t-shirt any day.

Finally, what's with the select group of country names that streetwear manufacturers choose to adorn their clothing with?

What makes Brazil t-shirt worthy?

Brazil, USA, Venezuela, France, Italy... What about New Zealand, Romania or The Philippines, (to name a few)? Aren't they cool enough for non-tourist merchandise? You never see guys walking down the street wearing a 'Taiwan' t-shirt, although chances are it was probably made there.

The Magnification of the Modern Menu

The house salad must be pretty special if it's not only organic, but it contains artisan lettuce..



Would you like some bisque, charcuterie, jus, or compote? Or perhaps something asian-inspired, hand-crafted, vine-ripened, with seasonal blends and citrus tones? These types of words are used widely on menus, and by waiters who are drawing on their part- time acting experience to enthusiastically read out the ‘specials’ menu. But how much of that five- minute intricate description of each special dish is the average human supposed to remember? When you make your order you could try to use the waiters' wording, but then you risk an embarrassing slip-up of the correct pronunciation of charcuterie! It’s getting harder to order a decent, yet simple meal when going out these days without feeling like you’re a Masterchef contestant!
 
Here's a few more particularly interesting words which have started popping up in cafes, restaurants, and even supermarkets over the past couple of years.

1.'Artisan': This term gets bandied about for all sorts of random things (not isolated to food items). When referred to in connection with food, 'artisan' means the item has been crafted often by traditional methods, using the hands, and in small quantities. So how could it apply to the lettuce in the above picture? ('organic house salad'). And, how about this quote The Age 'Sunday Life' magazine had in its 'Hated' column?:

"Designer bakeries: Eight dollars for an artisan (i.e. knobbly) loaf of bread? No thanks."
 
2) 'Rustic': This word of the moment isn't as prevalent as the others. But it’s worth a mention, particularly if it is combined with another buzz-word. There's a bread-stick I’ve seen at the supermarket, interestingly named a 'rustic batard'. Yes, I know that a batard is a French bread, similar to a baguette. But it’s rustic as well? I feel a bit sorry for it! Rustic actually means that it is simple, unsophisticated or artless. Which is great, but not for a product that is churned out in factories day in and day out no differently to any other mass-market product.

3) By definition 'organic' refers to something natural, from plant or animal origin (in other words not man-made). Ironically, 'basic' is also a word that popped up in a dictionary search. But, as we know, many food products being marketed as 'organic' are actually quite the opposite! The use of the word has finally come to the attention of regulators.

Don't get me wrong, I like descriptive words, and good food, but I'm a bit skeptical about verbal marketing hype.

The Barista as Brand Ambassador

I never thought it would come to this. But, like many consumers these days, I am addicted to coffee. It's embarrassing to admit but not even one day goes by without me having at least one. And, as my coffee dependence grows, I've become increasingly friendly with an array of baristas around town. Unfortunately though, sometimes the friendship does not last. And it's not only their coffee making ability which gets in the way. Sometimes their attitude and poor service has me taking my coffee dollars elsewhere.

I've realised that baristas are not only responsible for ensuring that their freshly roasted blends awaken our senses and our minds (and get us to where we need to be in an alert and functional state). They also play a secondary, but still big, role as a company and brand ambassador.

I'm not a coffee guru per se. I know what I like, but I don't insist on organic, South American or other form of exquisite coffee beans. Actually, I'm most satisfied when I get what I ask for (skinny latte), and some form of appreciation from the barista or cafe worker for my patronage. Let's face it, with an over-supply of providers, I have an array of coffee sellers who can provide my crucial morning caffeine hit.

I'm not asking for much. A smile, thank you, conversation or just speedy, efficient service will go a long way. In fact, the quality of the coffee is often the least of my worries if the above criteria aren't met. Somewhere out there I know there are barista superstars. How often do you hear about people who go on dates with, or become best friends with, their baristas?! But for some reason, many of my baristas barely even crack a smile.

 So my question is: How many baristas are really qualified or ready to embrace their secondary role of company and brand ambassador when you arrive for your usual order each morning? Especially if you're a new customer. As far as I'm concerned, with so many operators on the scene, they really need to be. And, to the one barista who made the worst mistake by spelling my name wrong on the cup, it's really not that hard! And, it was nice knowing you. Next.